I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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