god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
