I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
