I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
