Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
