She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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