He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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