Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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