why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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