i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
