I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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