well I can't set my house on fire every night
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
