you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
