Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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