Little spoons don't ask big questions
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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