You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize