I will die if light touches me.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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