I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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