I got chris browned last night
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
