So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
