btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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