Old men and throwing up are my life now.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
