i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
