i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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