I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
