Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I need to stop coming to work sober
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
