Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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