Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
