if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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