So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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