where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize