i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
