saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
