I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
