something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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