the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize