so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
