YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
