my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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