we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
