Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
