...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
