im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
