He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
