all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
