Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize