I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
