Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
40s are totally the cure
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
