There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
