May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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