it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
