i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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