ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
