She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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