Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
