The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize