I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
