Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize