New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
