Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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