Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize