I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
