SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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