My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize