can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
