why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
