remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
