Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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