I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
