You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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